make-believe.org

Text message pack rat

I don't use my phone much. Certainly not for talking to people. I do everything in my power to avoid talking to people on the phone.

I message people a bit. Not enough to be all that quick at it. Not enough for it to cost me anything — my phone bill has been $16.50 every month for the last 12 months, except in December when Kelly's ute broke down and we wasted 20 minutes on hold to the RACV. Not enough to have given up my regard for punctuation or my disdain for abbrs.

What rankles me about my phone is that despite some 2Gb of storage, I'm only allowed 4Mb for my messages. It's infuriating, because those messages are part of my written history. They're the best thing on my phone, and Nokia has granted me no way of exporting them. Everytime I'm forced to do a cull, twenty or thirty koans vanish into the void. I hate to tell you this, but I tend to delete your messages rather than mine. Not your good ones though — I'm trying to keep those, although Nokia has other ideas.

I have 1099 messages in my Sent Items folder. For a random sample, I'm going to take the 30 middlemost messages (534-563) devoid of context and dump them here. It's navel-gazing, but this is a blog, right?

Hang on, it's going to take a few minutes to scroll to them. Typing one-handed. Bring on the 3G iPhone already. Dum-de-dum. Is Everybody Knows This is Nowhere Neil Young's best album? I sometimes think so. Oh look, 420. If you recognise one, let me know. Alright, here goes nothing. (Reverse-chronological, for the record.)

  1. ! Poor bugger. It does sound a bit exotic when described that way...
  2. I reckon you picked it. So, Sarko v Sego - not sure she can make up the ground..
  3. A-ha! Thanks. Il sera interessant s'ils font cela! ... croissant.
  4. Any last minute tips on l'election for me?
  5. Hmm, he said he'd be there... Possibly he was getting some lunch with a friend
  6. Not a bad idea actually. At this stage we're planning to go to the G, but if that changes I'll give you a buzz.
  7. Good night, mon cherie
  8. I wish!
  9. I don't know!
  10. Oof. Peter's.
  11. Losing at poker.
  12. No I am gambling!
  13. Yas.
  14. Yes.
  15. No wrong jesus.
  16. As in sugar man.
  17. Jesus rodriguez playing at the corner.
  18. I suddenly need a fridge. But no drama.
  19. How busy are you today?
  20. 1:30am. Back momentarily.
  21. Fergot it were on.
  22. [Audio MMS message]
  23. Myp2p.eu. There's a list of software in the sidebar.
  24. Yep there's some blue sunnies here; I'll be here for a few hours.
  25. Excellent! I will get the cupcakes.
  26. Up for some virtual golf and a barbie on Friday arvo?
  27. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
  28. My indian name is johsaf.
  29. Didn't hear a thing - heard it on the radio half an hour later. Quite sad
  30. On our way

So obviously that was my francophilean phase. For a lot of them, my guess is as good as yours. Incidentally, I won that poker game. And bizarrely, the only two text messages I've ever previously transcribed on this blog were in that random sample. That was unlikely. In summary, Nokia sucks.

Joseph | 3 Apr 2008

Mon 7 Apr 2008, 1:49PM Vince

I don't selectively cull my sent messages so my phone is full of the "sure I'll be there"/"What time is it again?" variety of SMS. So I'm going to sidestep your method put up a selection:

"Few are chosen. We're not the army, no recruiting!"

"Whoop whoop! I'm so glad I wasn't in the same room as dad. He gets so aggro!"

"Is it your birthday today? How an I to remember anything of significance if you dont put that information in your facebook profile?"

"You better beat these junkies..."

"Users are losers!"

"So you're cheap, not dopey. Does that mean I get them free too?"

"Getting shot by Jack Ruby apparently."

"For the baby or the election? ;)"

"You'd better check, maybe your kid's already been delivered!"

"Didja see abbott today? Whadda trainwreck!"

"'bullshit'"

"not in this mother-loving computer lab"

"5 seats for every time abbott apologised...Lindsay will be one of them '...and brabdbury comes out of nowhere!' allahu akbar!"

"You look stupid in yellow"

"I can still see your damn tshirt"

"I am SO sorry"

"I rang Wayne at home/and asked him at once/if females could come/'Yes of course' he replied/in a voice that made me feel like a dunce"

"Barry Manilow. And he's a poser!"

"kinda chubby"

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